A Cycle of Brokenness

A conversation while walking to the girl's washroom, with a friend I haven't seen in years:

Me: There's so many broken people nowadays. I don't understand why.
Cris: It's their fault. They choose to stay broken.

I shut up and agreed. Yes, they choose to linger on the pain, the loneliness, the brokenness that they forget there's a bigger reality: That any damage heals. Haven't I also experienced rock bottom? Haven't I also entertained the idea of giving up? Haven't I, in those days, relished that lugubrious emptiness that seemed to never end?

But the truth is this: I am a failure. I am a coward. I am burdened by my choices; I will always be bound at a degree. I am hungry for something I could not define at the moment and probably never will. Contentment only exists in a theoretical sense. And yet, I refuse to accept this as the end.

I think it was Nietzche who said that the loneliest moment in a person's life is when they realize that what she has long craved for are empty dreams, meaningless.

Yes it is. Unfortunately.

But I still believe in happiness; and yes it is a neverending chase. I still believe in love. And yes, too, it hurts, a lingering ache that would have better bled. But I still believe in these. I still believe in meaning.

Back to the earlier conversation. I can only tell Cris this: I hope they realize that by refusing to end the phase, they are hurting others, and themselves. Time flies too soon. Blink and a lifetime has already passed.

I hope I realized this when I was younger, not when I'm already in my late 20s. - 9/21/2013