The End

I believe in signs. It's not because they're romantic but because noticing them means one thing: awareness. When I get preoccupied with nagging thoughts and my feelings are in overdrive, I take a long walk around my neighbourhood to take in the world: the building traffic in Reliance, the convoy of tricycles and trucks, the salary people rushing to the train, the stray cats by the fishball vendor... I ask myself questions and through the process of asking, I find my answers.

The vagueness of a street, the high walls, the darkening sky. The people, the noise, the dust, the emptiness of everything fills me. And in those moments of being there, being present in that state, I remember. The answers come.

The storyline forms itself and my character begins to speak. The practicalities of my current situation floats for my attention, so do the options I can take. The ambiguity of my lover becomes glaring red lights. I find my answers by simply being there.

I've read somewhere that the present is the safest place for a troubled soul. And I agree. Yesterday, my job ended. Tomorrow, I might find out the lover belongs to another. But today, I am walking, relishing the stability of the pavement, feeling my toes, letting the city wind brush through my cheeks.

Sometimes, things just end.

A song from my favorite local artist says endings are also beginnings and speaks of the wariness of a future in an undefined present. But I don't necessarily have to think of the future when I can focus on today. Right here, right now. I love endings--I had too many endings I should know how to deal with it. I love the bittersweet taste of completion. The culmination of a phase is both exciting and terrifying. Everything is headed for an inevitable decline so why not enjoy the ride? The best I can do is carry the good things and walk on. - 11/8/2016